Guys and Ghosting

Men are the easy-to-figure out specie. That's the challenge !

I am starting this piece without a title or a subtitle because like everything in my life now, I haven't figured it out yet.

But it's almost Monday and I know you will be expecting to hear from me. I even need to say thank you.

Thank you for opening that email or clicking that link to read these letters I write you. Week after week, this has become my favourite thing to look forward to.

Writing has kept me. One of the very few things that has stayed constant in my life. Friends come and go, schools and cities change, even phones give up on me at some point but on difficult nights like this- when it's just me and everything that I fear stuck in a room in this really big loud world, writing would most likely get me through the darkness.

It's 3.53am on Friday morning. With an aching body, blocked nostrils and a clouded mind… I bring you the 7th episode of moxie's letters. My fingers are excited to type but my brain is yet to decipher what will be written about.

I have, however, consumed lots of content on girl-boy relationships lately so most likely, that's what will come forth.

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Oh, my alarm just went off. It's officially morning guys! I survived the night😁💃💃. And yes, I wake up at 4AM because I need a maximum of 3 hours to prepare mentally to meet other humans. People are sophisticated 😏.

Anyways, my current read is Men are from Mars ,Women are from Venus. The author tries to explain that “Martians” (as he calls men) are like rubber bands in that they would most likely pull away as far as they can to regain autonomy after a full dose of intimacy, only to spring back with much power when they suddenly realise their need for care and nurturing.

Here is the funny part…

They expect to pick up from exactly where they left off.

This is obviously a problem because in Venus, people only pull away when there has been an offence, a reason for vexation and if there is to be a springing back, it's going to be done a little at a time over time.

So could this be an explanation for all the ghosting and gaslighting we hear about?

Does it happen in marriage too? Like, can a husband suddenly need to pull away? For a bit? Do married men who are still in love with their spouse still need space from her?( I just remembered something really ridiculous as I was writing this last question; my girlfriend told me once that her ex-boyfriend said to her just before they broke it off ,that he still loves her but is not in love with her anymore. People of God, is this different?)

Omo, I don't know really. I haven't been married before.

I neither agree nor disagree. I don't think you are allowed to do that with something you don't understand. What I do understand however is…

Myself.

I know that I am an all or nothing person. There is seldomly a middle ground with me. I either like you or I dont. I am either nice or outrageously mean. Warm or ice cold. Quiet or …

So why I may not agree or disagree with the reasons for the on and off phenomenon, I just can't cope with it.

The energy level has to be constant. If it has to reduce , there has to be a reason, an explanation- “oh I am trying to solve some work issue” or “I am worried about something” or “I need to think us through” or “I am starting to fall for someone else”.

Same goes if the energy suddenly becomes more intense- “are we celebrating something?” “Are you about to propose?” “Have you done something wrong?”.

If you just go away without explanation, I trust my brain to cook up one. The most incorrect-worst case scenario explanation usually.

Well that's just for me. I may not be speaking the mind of all venusians out there.

So what is the best thing to do when Martians need to blow cold for a bit?

Well the author agrees with the general advice out there…

Just let him be.

For 2 reasons;

● Saves you from making yourself a clown and seeming too needy which is an absolute turn off for just about every human, females included. What if they actually don't like you anymore?

●You would not be interrupting the “intimacy cycle” (this is the name the author calls the on off thing). You stop them from reaching that point where they crave care .

Why I agree with both reasons is that I have come to believe that guys are internally motivated. You cannot with external acts of yours make a guy love you or decide to be with you. Attempting this is a weight loss regimen. Slimming tea to be precise.

So I and John Gray (the author) suggest you rest. Be a baby girl. Do something fun. Something you like. Call your girlfriends. Go shopping.

With time you will get a clearer picture of what exactly is happening.

And when he comes back (if he does), you have that conversation, in a polite feminine way, firmly demand you be told what the heck happened. Usually, they too would not have an answer, so you tell them you understand ‘but here is how I would like you to handle it next time…’

This conversation is for when ‘Agaracha’ is back not when he is pulling away. Swap the timing and you've made a mess. John Gray thinks so. I think I agree, because now you have their ears.

God help us. This relationship kini fit cause craze finally.

Now this is a proud moment for me😁. For someone who didn't know what exactly what to write about, I have come up with a pretty decent 4mins or more read.

I hope everything in my life works out like this piece. Confusing at first…beautiful in the end.

If you are in a similar place in your life like me, I wish you the same too.

Thank you for staying with me. We should sleep now. Soon we'll need to meet humans. And that is not the easiest thing for me.

Bye darling❣.

Talk soon. And please subscribe .